Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
God, I missed his penis.
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