If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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