This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
