It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
