he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dicks are not precious.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
