She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
