I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
