Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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