You work out of a Hotel?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
