so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Blood and glitter go together right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
