Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize
