Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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