...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
