Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
