And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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