fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
