i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
