before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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