Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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