he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
