Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
