There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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