Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
