I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
