I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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