you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
