the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
MIDGETS
????
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
