Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
