i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize