I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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