Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
