Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
