pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
