Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
