he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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