after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
