You can't special order awesome
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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