I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
