Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
