i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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