Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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