I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
