East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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