i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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