I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
