My sheets look like a crime scene.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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