it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
