party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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