thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
