i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
