Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
