I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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