your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Randomize
