Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
