You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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