Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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