I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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